I wonder if coming to the spanish lab will become part of my routine? Considering my routine changes a lot because I am not as stable day to day and a majority of people, probably not. Just the past two days it goes: rise, lit, home, coffee pot, spanish lab, spanish, home, soccer, coffee pot, bed. nice eh? my mom and aunt beth and my cousin katie are coming up here tonight to visit me. i was trying to think of something to do with them besides eat. got any suggestions? pfew, why does it have to get so hot outside? i could go for some snow right about now, the closes i got today was two popcicles...mm they were good though. i am in popcicle mode now, its just a phase. I am not feelin to hot (well i am hot, but good i suppose). I am gonna go space into cyber for a bit. ciao.

I am sitting here at school streaming jeff through headphones and waiting for my spanish class to come. I made eggs today in the microwave, the way I used to when I was a kid. It used to be the only way I would eat them. Then I went through a phase where I wouldn't eat eggs because all I could think about is where they came from. Then after that when I decided I liked things gourmet, I only ate eggs that were made on the skillet. But they were good none-the-less. Funny how you forget about things that you did as a kid, I seem to have changed a lot. On my way to campus today I couldn't help but think a lot about how this summer is going. I spend most of my time burried in books reading or studying and my grades reflect that. I am not saying that this is a bad thing. But what comes next? I have stripped myself of most things that seem to make me happy over the past month and I am miserable. Everyday is the same exact routine. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that all this is getting me finished faster and on with the things that matter. But I never seem to be at ease. So I must be off to la clase de espanol ahora. ciao...

sorry i haven't written in so long. happy fathers day, i know its a little late, but i haven't gotten the chance to write since then. also happy birthday to my cousin michael, man you an old son of a gun aren't you? i haven't slept but what feels like a few winks lately. been having exams. i spent some time playing soccer tennis today with my brother and my cousin. its getting to hot outside for me though, i never was one to like heat. it makes me feel gross and sweaty and just want to migrate indoors. i wish it would rain, a big thunderstorm, a little grey....all this sun messes with my moods. i need to feed my addiction of coffee, sad. last week was spent hitting the books and studying a lot for school. with an occasional call of late night iniquity and indulgence. then i had visitors for the weekend, we met at flipnotics in austin to catch jeff play a small acoustic set. still amazes me. followed by another trip down the comal river and a late night of debauchery. now i am preparing for another week of reading and studying for finals that follow in the next week. i will be hitting the road to houston (blugh) on friday for the weekend with family (besides my dad who will be in china). then its off to ohio on the fourth for a couple of days. it will be nice to get back and see the family, cause a little havoc in the hometown. but until later when i can think of a little more to say....

I had a phone call from the past that seemed to foreshadow the whole day, or what was left of it. I don't know what I feel so I don't know what to write, maybe tomorrow it will be a little more clear.

So I must just say I will write later because I am so unbelievably tired.

All I have to say is: [its very obvious that your ideals are not for me the problem with rules is they alienate the criminals it's just not true that there's only one way i hope we have ourselves an understanding my hope like autumn is turning brown i know it seems like i am always falling down but it does not matter to me although it seems like it should If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If I were you, I'd give up. The path is too narrow, the way is too steep. Save your applause for the end of the show. Save your applause for the end of the show. If I were you, I'd give up. The path is too narrow, the way is too steep. Count it a blessing, that you're such a failure. Your second chance might never have come.PTL] And [as the alarm goes of she slaps on some shoes an old tshirt and runs her fingers through her day old hair she stumbles out the door and is off to a life she's not quite so sure of another day of others demands she can't wait to get home to sleep sleep so she can live her life through her dreams she picks up her guitar and plays her song of sorrow pleading for this life to end and another to begin before she lays her head she sips her coffee and paints another self portrait and she closes her eyes to find her own paradise. ALF]

School starts tomorrow. 8 am daily until August 9. I am having a bit of a strange night. I don't know what all this stuff going through my mind means completely. Its as if I am supposed to sit down and disect it, but then maybe I would be looking to much into it. My eyes feel like they are covered with cheap plastic causing unreadable blurred images. I spent some time playing my guitar and everything I played seemed to be dreary and dark and probably only beautiful to my ears. There is a part of me that just wants to talk to someone right now, but I don't know who that is, and I know its not just anyone....but then another part of me just wants to be secluded. My stars must be outa whack right now, they will work it out though. Coliding eclipses, if that is possible. I think I am just going to call it a night and a early morning.